granny

from what i understand, she hated that we called her that. in my defense, i was the youngest of three and just called her what everyone else did. i never really understood why all of my other cousins referred to her as "Nanny", and there i was calling her the wrong name for twelve years. i blame my brothers.

i don't really remember too much about her, although i remember quite a bit more than i do of my Pawpaw. one of my favorite memories about her is that she was always humming hymns. i rarely heard her actually sing, but she hummed almost constantly. i don't remember much of her cooking, but i know she could. she loved us grandkids. it never seemed to me like she had much to give and gave more than she could, but she never spoiled us.

i don't think she and i were ever very close. looking back i think it's probably because i was a brat and was jealous that she had to give so much more to Monica...not like my Nenaw. i'll always regret that. she was a great woman.

the last time i saw her she picked me up from school. she had recently moved closer to help out after my brother passed away. i don't know why i was so upset that afternoon. maybe i had a bad day at school. maybe it was because i had wanted my mom to pick me up that day. maybe i was mad that i had to go to trumpet lessons. or maybe it was just plain old puberty. she pulled up to the house and told me bye. i slammed the door and walked away. not a word. not a goodbye. not a thank you. not a hug. i'm sorry, Granny. i love you and miss you. i wish you could be here to meet my Top Gun and Baby Girl. you would love them to pieces!

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i've fallen a little behind on my blogging. i'm going to blame it on the pregnancy fatigue and all that comes with that. not a lot of people read my blog, so it's not like i have a huge audience awaiting some of my genius, aka boring blabber.

so, we're gonna have another baby. Baby Girl is going to be a big sister. i can't believe it. she's still my baby. what am i going to do with two? i know for a fact i will be doing a lot of feeding, laundry, cleaning, and probably crying...hopefully some sleeping with fall in there somewhere. i am really nervous about that post-delivery exhaustion, you know, after the adrenaline wears off and having to care for two children. it all makes me want to run home and recruit Nanna as part-time nanny. Lord knows i can't really afford one...or a maid for that matter.

all i know is that my role as homemaker is going to start getting tricky. i'm happy that we are starting to get involved in a church, and i'm hoping to build a strong local support system since we are without family 99% of the time. i think my problem in california was not wanting to "settle" and get involved in a lot because i was hoping we would be getting out soon. before i knew it, three years were gone and it was time to say goodbye! i was really lonely and miserable. the biggest problem was i didn't feel like i fit in. it seemed like all of the moms there were older, weird, or career-driven. the few moms i connected with had older children also and were usually pretty busy and involved in a lot more activities. north carolina is feeling a bit closer to home, and i think we'll fit in a little better here. at least i hope...

Top Gun has really stepped up his game lately. He's doing dishes, picking up the house, and really taking a big role in helping out with Baby Girl. He even rearranged his work schedule with his boss so that he can help me in the mornings and go in to work later. this also means working later in the evenings, so i'm not sure how i feel about it yet. hopefully i will start feeling better soon and we can just go back to normal.

i am excited to find out if we are having a boy or a girl this time around. i think it's a boy, but i would be happy either way. i know it would be nice for Baby Girl to have a sister. i never had a sister, so it would be completely foreign to me. ideally, i think i would want to have another girl now and maybe two boys a few years down the road, but i know God has His own plan. i'm not sure i can do this two more times anyways! only time will tell...