yee-haw!

Baby Girl has started noticing that Daddy is a little different. She has been trying to catch peaks for a few weeks now, and this morning finally saw as Daddy was getting out of the shower. As Daddy was drying off, she reached up to touch and he told her, "No Baby Girl, that's Daddy's." Her reply was, "Yee-haw!" Daddy put on his boxers and she blew a kiss bye-bye to her discovery...where do kids come up with this stuff?!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOMMA

me and my momma, 1984

"God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers."

Today I give thanks for one of the most amazing people I have ever known - my momma.

54 years ago today, my Granny held her for the first time. God sent her to marry my dad, be my mom and Nanna to my children, touch many lives, and keep Kroger from going under. Nearly 27 years ago, she held me in her arms for the first time, and now that I have my own daughter, I know exactly what a mother's love is. She fed, changed, bathed, dressed, and rocked me. She took care of me when I was sick. I think when I was little I was more of a Daddy's girl, but we've grown much closer since I've married and had children of my own. Although we talk almost daily, I only see her a few times a year and miss her terribly. She is one of my best friends and has become the "sister" I never had.

She's not perfect, but I don't know if I'll ever fill her shoes. She has an everlasting love for her children, and I've really grown to appreciate how great of a mother she has been and is still today. I feel blessed to have such an incredible mother and friend, and I'm thankful for every day that I can still call and hear her voice and talk about absolutely nothing. I LOVE YOU!

this is a note I wrote to my mom about a year ago:

dear momma and daddy,

i am the person i am today because of you. you showed me what it meant to be strong and fight through when life got really hard. you smothered me with love, but now i really understand...i married a good man because i knew what kind of father i wanted for my children thanks to you. i strive to be a better mommy everyday because i have big shoes to fill thanks to you. i graduated from high school and university because of sacrifices you made for me. i know how it feels to be loved, safe, warm, fed, bathed, and clothed because of you. i miss texas everyday because of you.

love,
erica

granny

from what i understand, she hated that we called her that. in my defense, i was the youngest of three and just called her what everyone else did. i never really understood why all of my other cousins referred to her as "Nanny", and there i was calling her the wrong name for twelve years. i blame my brothers.

i don't really remember too much about her, although i remember quite a bit more than i do of my Pawpaw. one of my favorite memories about her is that she was always humming hymns. i rarely heard her actually sing, but she hummed almost constantly. i don't remember much of her cooking, but i know she could. she loved us grandkids. it never seemed to me like she had much to give and gave more than she could, but she never spoiled us.

i don't think she and i were ever very close. looking back i think it's probably because i was a brat and was jealous that she had to give so much more to Monica...not like my Nenaw. i'll always regret that. she was a great woman.

the last time i saw her she picked me up from school. she had recently moved closer to help out after my brother passed away. i don't know why i was so upset that afternoon. maybe i had a bad day at school. maybe it was because i had wanted my mom to pick me up that day. maybe i was mad that i had to go to trumpet lessons. or maybe it was just plain old puberty. she pulled up to the house and told me bye. i slammed the door and walked away. not a word. not a goodbye. not a thank you. not a hug. i'm sorry, Granny. i love you and miss you. i wish you could be here to meet my Top Gun and Baby Girl. you would love them to pieces!

blah blah blabbity blah

i've fallen a little behind on my blogging. i'm going to blame it on the pregnancy fatigue and all that comes with that. not a lot of people read my blog, so it's not like i have a huge audience awaiting some of my genius, aka boring blabber.

so, we're gonna have another baby. Baby Girl is going to be a big sister. i can't believe it. she's still my baby. what am i going to do with two? i know for a fact i will be doing a lot of feeding, laundry, cleaning, and probably crying...hopefully some sleeping with fall in there somewhere. i am really nervous about that post-delivery exhaustion, you know, after the adrenaline wears off and having to care for two children. it all makes me want to run home and recruit Nanna as part-time nanny. Lord knows i can't really afford one...or a maid for that matter.

all i know is that my role as homemaker is going to start getting tricky. i'm happy that we are starting to get involved in a church, and i'm hoping to build a strong local support system since we are without family 99% of the time. i think my problem in california was not wanting to "settle" and get involved in a lot because i was hoping we would be getting out soon. before i knew it, three years were gone and it was time to say goodbye! i was really lonely and miserable. the biggest problem was i didn't feel like i fit in. it seemed like all of the moms there were older, weird, or career-driven. the few moms i connected with had older children also and were usually pretty busy and involved in a lot more activities. north carolina is feeling a bit closer to home, and i think we'll fit in a little better here. at least i hope...

Top Gun has really stepped up his game lately. He's doing dishes, picking up the house, and really taking a big role in helping out with Baby Girl. He even rearranged his work schedule with his boss so that he can help me in the mornings and go in to work later. this also means working later in the evenings, so i'm not sure how i feel about it yet. hopefully i will start feeling better soon and we can just go back to normal.

i am excited to find out if we are having a boy or a girl this time around. i think it's a boy, but i would be happy either way. i know it would be nice for Baby Girl to have a sister. i never had a sister, so it would be completely foreign to me. ideally, i think i would want to have another girl now and maybe two boys a few years down the road, but i know God has His own plan. i'm not sure i can do this two more times anyways! only time will tell...

i say a little prayer for you...

I found out yesterday that one of my friend's husband recently left her, after which she found out he had been having one night stands for at least five years of their marriage and "loves" a girl he has been seeing for about two weeks. He was supposedly a Christian, and I never would have guessed they of all people would end up where they are. I guess it just goes to prove it can happen to anyone. I just still can't believe it. They seemed very happy and were best friends. It disgusts me and really makes me angry to think about it. I just can't even imagine what that does to a person - to find out that basically your entire marriage has been nothing but lies.

I'm not writing about this to boast about my marriage's success or even to say anything bad about my friend's marriage. I'm writing about this because it is an epidemic that has really been weighing heavily upon my heart. It's mainly about this particular family today, but Top Gun and I have each or both known at least three other young couples who have ended things on similar terms. I'm talking about friends our age! At least only one of them had children in the equation.

I really don't have much else to say about the whole thing. My main objective here was to get this off my chest and out of my head because it's really been bugging me. I had a hard time going to sleep last night.

I would like to ask that each of you say an extra prayer for my friend today. I'm sure she and her family (especially the husband) could use it.

was blind, but now i see...

So much has been going on around here lately, and it's baby season!

We have so much to be thankful for! Top Gun was offered a job in North Carolina flying passenger jets! I still can't believe it, and I can't help but giggle when he shows me pictures of what he's going to be flying around the skies! It is such a giant step up from what he's been in, it's still hard to believe! We are taking a huge leap of faith since this is a start-up operation, and there are so many unknowns.

One thing that has been really hard for me is not knowing where we are going to live! It was one thing when it was just the two of us coming out to California, but now that we have Baby Girl it makes things a little more complicated. Our faith has really been put to the test, and I have really had to work on my patience while God worked out all the details. I did a lot of research and emailed and called a lot of potential places and even considered buying a house! I really did not want to drive clear across the continental US blind. It makes everything so much more stressful, especially having only three days to find something, apply and be be approved, sign a lease, and unload everything before the moving truck is due back!

Today, our praying and waiting finally paid off as the sweetest lady has been in touch with us and providing details and photos of a rental house in a place called Pfafftown (pronounced "Poff-town"), North Carolina. It is just barely over what we were hoping to pay, but we will have our own place with a yard and a neighborhood pool. It is a two bedroom with a nice open floorplan and a decent sized kitchen (finally!). There is an attached garage and washer/dryer hookups and even a sunroom! I have been looking for places with a sunroom, and I am so excited about having the extra space for our office and maybe a little guest room. Don't even get me started on the yard! I can barely remember what a yard looks like, let alone get my head around the fact that we will be able to play outside in the grass!

The landlord has been very helpful so far and very flexible. She is willing to hold it for us until we arrive and said it would be fine if we arrive and find it is not what we expected and just want to look elsewhere. She told us we can paint or make little improvements if we wanted, but that everything was in good repair. One of the best things about this whole move is that the company is paying for everything! I am just overjoyed about how good the Lord has been to us even though we don't deserve any of it! I feel so blessed!

growing like a weed

My little girl is getting to be such a big girl. We all went grocery shopping today (that's right - all three of us. When you don't get much quality time as a family, even spending a day together in the produce section is a bargain), and i could hear my girl nearly 10 aisles down hollering, "MAMA! MAMA!" It's enough to melt my heart.

I made another stop on the way home, and as I was checking out I got a phone call. "Hey. Mama. Mama. Hey." I have never heard anything sweeter.

She was taking a bath earlier with Top Gun, and she kept hollering, "MAMA! MAMA!" I think it's her favorite word.

When we walk out the front door, she'll take off around the corner and wave one arm and say, "Bye bye bye."

She is constantly dancing and will shake her little hiney even when there is no music. She loves animals and can mimic the following: cat, dog, cow, fish ("bloo, bloo, bloo," you know, like bubbles), elephant, horse, parrot, monkey, sheep, lion, and she's almost got the pig down. It's more of a sniff than a snort.

At 16 months, her vocabulary is progressing quick nicely. Aside from her repertoire of animal noises, she can say (some in English as well as in French):

Mama

Dada

PawPaw

Nanna

Kitty

Juice

Cheese

Ball

Baby

Bye-bye

Belly button

Duck

Bath

More

Boppa (for diaper)

Hi

One

Bite

Down

Yeah

Shhh (to be quiet)

Potty

Shoe

Toy

Night-night

Boo

Side (for outside)

Buh (for book)

Bear

Bee

Keys

Paeh (for paci)

And there may be some others I'm forgetting...

She LOVES the swing at the park. I think she'd swing all day long if she could. She loves to climb up in her little big girl chair and watch "Babies" aka Baby Einstein. She would rather uncap and recap her markers rather than draw with them.

She cannot laugh without getting the hiccups, and oh how I love that giggle.

Sure there are other cute kids. I know other kids are smart. But I am fully convinced, without a doubt, that my Baby Girl is by far the sweetest, smartest, most precious, beautiful baby that ever was or will be. Ever.

At least until we have another baby. And then they will be equally the sweetest, smartest, most precious, beautiful, precious babies that ever were or will be. Ever.

FOUND: sweet baby girl

We went to Texas two weeks ago, and i found my sweet Baby Girl! She was hiding behind some mean molars.

She has been such a sweetheart, and is really getting a mind of her own. She has always been a spirited and strong-willed child, but, now that she is getting to be a "big girl," nothing can stand in her way. I have already learned to choose my battles, because it is just not worth fighting her over something really insignificant.

She is just like her daddy! She always wants to figure out how things work and she has to do everything for herself. I dread the day she figures out how to use a screwdriver. I'll probably find my vacuum cleaner disassembled and the parts hidden in various drawers, bags, boxes, and cabinets throughout the house. The kid loves to put things in stuff and take them out, too.

We all had a great time in Texas. Top Gun and I were able to play racquetball (I let him beat me - you know how guys get), I played soccer (hallelujah!) and relived the glory days with my old teammates, my mom and I went shopping, my sister-in-law and I went shopping, my daddy and I rode bikes down a country road, I went to my cousin's baby shower, we went fishing at the farm, we rode 4wheelers at the farm, I had TWO snowballs, Top Gun and I had a date (double hallelujah!) at Texas Roadhouse and saw "The Blind Side" in the theater, I had BBQ and sweet tea, I got to sleep in on several occasions (triple hallelujah!), I was finally able to spend a nice afternoon with my nenaw, I witnessed my nephew's first ever t-ball game, and I was able to squeeze in a few friends.

it was a very eventful, yet relaxing trip and was the perfect length. I've always felt rushed on time to squeeze everyone in in the past, but I'd say a week and a half is just about right...probably only because Top Gun was there for two-thirds of the time.

The weather was basically perfect the entire 9 days. All-in-all, I'd say it was a huge success...minus the not finding a job part...

MISSING: sweet baby girl

I spent the day cleaning the house, cleaning up cat poop and puke, and having a teething toddler scream at me and even hit me in the face. If you happen to see a sweet and happy baby girl please let me know. I can't seem to find her.

Then Top Gun comes home and it's all smiles and kisses from Baby Girl. When I asked for a kiss, she just turned away and fussed. I didn't get a smooch from the Mister, either. There was no "Hi Honey, the house looks great." All I got was, "No wonder she's mad at you" because i wiped her mouth from blueberry stains. I don't care if I'm frustrated, tired, or even hormonal...I don't think it's too much to ask for a little support and appreciation, no matter what the condition of the house or how much screaming transpired.

I'm not perfect, I know. I'm sure I've greeted him poorly after a long and hard day of work, too. I guess I just think it's easier for him to come home to chaos than it is for me to deal with him and the little monster teaming up against me after being screamed at all day.

I feel like I have no support system here. Everyone works. Most moms are older anyways. The few moms who do stay at home have older kids and are busy with activities and/or share no common interests with me whatsoever and/or have family nearby.

Sometimes I feel like Will Smith in that movie I Am Legend, only with a baby and two stupid cats instead of a dog. Is there anybody out there? "If there's anybody out there...anybody...please. You are not alone."

I really don't intend to be such a crybaby. I've always tried to pretend like I'm fine. I'm strong, and this too shall pass. Maybe that's the problem. Honestly. Seriously. For real. I admit it. This is hard. I need a friend. I need someone who understands. I need to know that someone besides my mom cares enough to call or respond to this and ask if I want to go do something. Have lunch. Go shopping. Toilet paper a house. Something. Anything!

This might just be the most desperate attempt I've ever made at getting a date. I feel slightly ridiculous. Geez...pity party much? Praise the Lord Top Gun took the screamin' demon to the park when he came home. At least he did that. Good Friday nearly turned into Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Friday. Oh well. At least I still have my sanity. HA! Yeah, right...

how we pay the bills

Top Gun works for a privately owned company called Dynamic Aviation that contracts out to the government for a variety of special missions including intelligence, surveillance, and reconnaissance; airborne data acquisition; fire management;aerial application; and my personal favorite, sterile insect technique.

We fall under the latter category. What exactly do they do out here in California? Here is what Top Gun does at work everyday...

Just kidding. I promise he does work hard fixing and flying the King Airs. I can vouch for him. I do his laundry.

We always get perplexed facial expressions and a lot of questions when we tell people that Top Gun releases sterilized fruit flies from his airplane, a process known as Sterile Insect Technique.

Baby Girl chasing down Daddy in his airplane.

a week of reflection, a week for celebration

Easter '85. Kyle found the prize egg at Granny's.

My brother Kyle would have been thirty years old tomorrow. Thirty years old. It's hard to comprehend.

I was twelve years old when we lost him, and in my mind he's still sixteen. Sixteen. It's difficult to think of my big brother as my "big brother" when I am now twenty-six years old. I am twenty-six years old, and my big brother is still sixteen. See what I mean?

That was such a defining moment in my life. Tragedy usually is. People still use that to explain to others who we are, I'm sure. I know I do it for others. "Oh, that's so-and-so's mom. Remember? That girl that died in the car wreck?" We all do it.

I feel like those years are such a blur. I only have little flashes and things that I've retained because of photographs, but I don't remember much beyond that. Even in high school I couldn't remember...I must have blocked it all out somehow.

When my cousin Monica was about two, she was also the only survivor in a car accident that took the lives of her 4 year-old brother Eric, step dad, mom and their unborn baby. All Monica suffered was a broken leg. My granny raised her until for nearly fourteen years until they were in a car accident just months after Kyle died, and Monica was once again the sole survivor. I can't even begin to imagine that kind of loss and trauma. She came to live with us for a few years after that until she was old enough to get her own place. I really don't remember much about that time in my life, except that I eventually started sleeping in Kyle's room because she stayed up later than I did doing homework. We're very different, but I love her like the sister I never had. She is expecting her second child this summer, and Top Gun and I are going to be his Godparents.

My Paw Paw passed away in his sleep the year after we lost Kyle and Granny. I woke up to the sound of my Nenaw crying out to him to wake up. I knew immediately what was going on, but I didn't know what to do. I just sat on the couch quietly while in came the ambulance...coroner...and finally my parents came to take me home. Things happened in the years following his death that tore our family apart, and it has never been the same, but I remain close to my Nenaw and try to call and visit whenever I can.

All of that said, you now have a little insight into who I am and why I am the way I am. I always thought that I would change things if I could...and I'm sure I would...what can I say, I'm selfish? But nonetheless, all of past has made me who I am today. I don't think that I would value life and family the way I do now if I hadn't suffered so much loss. I am so thankful for all that God has blessed me with: two selfless parents; a loving husband; a happy, healthy, and beautiful baby girl; money in the bank; a safe house; a car that runs; an education; food; my health and so on and so on and so on.

Of course, it took me YEARS before I got through the seven steps. It was only days at Kyle's visitation when I got past the shock and denial. Steps two and three (pain and guilt, anger and bargaining) were kind of bundled up together and took a few years. Stage four was the hardest and longest. I think the depression was about five years. I tried all sorts of ridiculous things to feel/to not feel, and I hit my low in Christmas of 2003, a month before I started dating Top Gun. He was my saving grace. Don't get me wrong, God had His fingerprints all over it, but it was the man God brought into my life who started the upward turn (stage five) and reconstruction (stage six). I think stage seven is and always will be never-ending. I continue to accept my past and find hope in my present and future. Anytime I've thought I had it bad, I look around and see so many people much worse off and count my blessings.

Please don't for one instant take a person, moment, or your life for granted. It could all change tomorrow.

On another note, Happy Easter! Praise God that we will all be reunited one day in heaven. Thank you for sacrificing your Son!

eBay

I know I promised I would tell you all about eBay several weeks ago...better late than never!

This is my home office. It's nothing fancy, but at least I have a window with a lovely view of our cinder block wall and paved front "yard" (otherwise known as a patio). Grass doesn't exist in Southern California...you can occasionally spot some in school playgrounds, parks, and cemeteries.

Last October we took over a small eBay business from our brother-in-law in Chicago. I don't really enjoy being obligated the daily time commitments or the occasional dealings with rude customers, but it helps pay the bills and allows for me to stay home with Baby Girl everyday...so I put up with it. It can also be annoying to have work overtake your living area, especially when it's pretty small to begin with. We're often overrun by boxes.

Here's the rundown:

At least once a month, we order nearly $5,000 worth of competition RC cars. Then this guy comes.

He brings us some of these.

After which, boxes take over various rooms of our house. Usually the living room, kitchen, and/or our bedroom.

Stupid cat.

We then take the kits apart and sort the parts into separate baggies for separate auctions. We've found that both of us doing one car each at the same time is the most efficient method. It usually takes us about an hour from start to finish. We store the parts on clearly labelled shelves. Lord knows Top Gun wouldn't be able to find his head if it wasn't screwed on, so organization is key around here. We list anywhere from four to six cars at a time, and we start relisting our items once our auctions are running low and the cars are ready to go. The listings are always the same (unless one of the kits changes), so we never have to change the pictures or descriptions for any of the items.

Once that's finished, I have a big honking box or two of parts to stock.

I stock the parts in the correct cabinet and bin accordingly to color (car) and number (part). We started out with 4 different cars, but are dropping one because we weren't making enough profit to make it worth our while.

The following is one of our three main cabinets of parts.

This cabinet is actually our microwave cart. We're utilizing this storage space for tires, rims, chassis, bodies, decals, wings, and other miscellaneous items.

We maintain communication with our customers via Microsoft Outlook, which makes it easier to step away from the computer throughout the day. I get an email if anyone has a questions about an item, anytime we make a sale, and when the items have been paid for. At that point, I have one business day to pack and ship the order(s). I usually set aside time in the evenings after Baby Girl has gone to bed or during her nap time to process and package orders. We handle all of this through an eBay program called Blackthorne. I have to weigh the items, enter the weight, and choose my shipping method. I print the label, slap it on one of our padded envelopes, seal it, and drop it off at the mail box conveniently located about 50 yards from our front door. Anytime we ship a body or a larger order that won't fit into the slot, then I have to make a run to the post office. It's not too far away, either, but it can get a little annoying having to tote Baby Girl around when my hands are full of boxes.

I haven't looked at our numbers recently, so I couldn't tell you how much profit we're making. I can tell you, though, that our budget has been much more flexible since we took over the business. Once we've paid off the cars, startup expenses, and supplies is when we really start to smile.

EBay makes commission on part of our sales, and we have to pay for licenses and programs we use to manage our business. It was a lot of start up work, but we are very thankful God provided the opportunity for us! We would be treading water otherwise.

So, that's a small glimpse into my professional life. There is a lot more to it that I don't feel like delving into with you, but you get the idea. I also left out all of the other glamorous positions I hold (maid, chef, diaper changer, diaper washer, dishwasher, zoo keeper, etc...). You wouldn't really want to know about all of that. It's not always fun, but this makes it worth every drop of blood, sweat, and tears.

my birthday/christmas/please help me before i pull out all my hair list

1. a personal chef (they do the meal planning, shopping and cooking, right?)
2. a chubby maid (what? i don't want to be cliché...OK, i just don't want some cute young thang showing me up in my own house! is that so wrong?!)
3. soccer mom car (this low to the ground in-and-out of car seat business is really starting to do a number on my back.)
4. a yard (these cats are driving me insane! and i'm tired of playing on pavement with my Baby Girl.)

Undefeated

I've been feeling a little down lately. Most of my local friends are not yet mothers and work full-time, and I feel intrusive calling them on their off time. It may not bother them, but that's just the way I am. I don't like bothering people. The other thing is that I have a hard time getting along with a lot of girls. Let me rephrase that. Girls often annoy me. They're too...bouncy. Drama. Glamour. Gossip. Emotional. Am I wrong for feeling that way? I just have an easier time hanging with the guys. Talking sports. Joking. Laughing. Being surfacey, but having fun. Doesn't that just sound more relaxing? I don't like social obligations. Anyways, I've been lonely. Enough said.

Yesterday, I picked myself up, said enough is enough, got dressed, put on makeup, got Baby Girl dressed, packed the diaper bag, and set out to the local library to get a library card and check out some books for Baby Girl. We pulled up, I got everything unloaded, and headed up the sidewalk with Baby Girl in tow...the library was closed for remodeling! Talk about a motivation killer!

After I scraped myself up off the sidewalk and loaded everything back up, we headed to Barnes & Noble and bought some books! I refuse to be defeated. Baby Girl got two really cute books by Leslie Patricelli called Yummy Yucky and Quiet Loud, and I got out of the house for a couple of hours. Win win.

things i LOVE...in no particular order.

Obviously and without question, Baby Girl and Top Gun.

Mrs. Meyers. My friend Mandy introduced me to this stuff. I went for the Basil scent, which probably sounds a little strange, but let me just tell you...it's delicious.

Fuzzibunz.

Chips and salsa.

Kinder chocolate.

Cobbler.

My momma and daddy.

Coca Cola.

Cholula.

BBQ.

Hansen's Root Beer.

My Levi's (This model does them no justice.)

Photography.

My sisters-in-law.

Steel Magnolias.

Sweet Home Alabama.

Australia. (The movie, not the country. Not that I hate the country, I've just never been.)

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Soccer.

Rain. But not SoCal rain. It smells like a landfill in liquid form. I like clean rain in the country.

Babies (and not just of the human variety), but especially my baby.

Sweat pants.

And this. Maybe I am a health freak for not wanting to use deodorant with aluminum in it, but I don't really care. California has made me a little green...in more than one sense of the word.

Chocolate.

Two pillows.

The fifties. Not that I was alive then. But I love the idea of the 50s. I want to be June Cleaver. Only not so tame. I still want to be goofy and spontaneous.

Racquetball.

Kashi.

LOST.

My other family, the Simpson clan.

2% milk.

My childhood.

Josh Turner.

A clean house.

This stuff. Coral is, I'm sure, like totally like last year, but I'm still like totally in love with it. It like works so totally amazing with my skin tone and all.

My nephews and niece.

Old people. Especially friendly, cute old couples. And those wilted ushers at church. My favorite!

Christmas music.

Being pregnant.

My brothers.

Norah Jones's Come Away With Me album.

Traveling.

French.

Riding horses. I want a ranch. A real working ranch with horses and cows and chickens and a vegetable garden and a cute little farm house with a wrap-around porch and a creek and a pond to go fishing and and and.......

My best friend, Randi Beth.

Getting dirty.

The Pioneer Woman.

Our best friends, the Riggs's.

Eyelash curlers and mascara.

Dogwood trees.

Dallas Mavericks.

Lolita Lempicka perfume.

Jean Paul Gaultier perfume.

Stella McCartney perfume.

Abercrombie & Fitch Fierce cologne. yummm

The Disney Movie Club.

Dark chocolate covered honeycomb from Disneyland. My friend Bryn brought this confection into my life. My life will never be the same.

Children's books.

WillowTree figurines.

Purpose cleansing bar. Thank you for helping me look like a woman and not a 13 year-old.

The beach.

The park.

The zoo.

Any outdoor location that entertains my toddler for free or almost free.

Radio Flyer and our Radio Flyer All-Terrain Steel & Wood Wagon. It's a lifesaver at the beach.

Fishing.

Shooting guns. At targets, not at living things.

I could possibly go on and on and on and on because I love a lot of things, but I think this ought to give you enough to read for the next twelve years.

when boredom attacks

One day last August I reached an ultimate low. Bored to death. Well, not quite...but close to it! If you want to know what sort of hideous things I filled my time with on that day, you're about to find out. Please don't hold this against me.

This is me in 1952.

1954

1960

1962

1966
1968

1976

1980 - Oh. My. Gosh. This is getting ugly.

1984 - What do you think? Poodle? Cocker Spaniel? Komondor?
1990 - Praise the Lord I was a child of the 80s and was fortunate enough to miss most of the tragic fashions of the 80s and early 90s.

1992
1998

Food, Inc.

I don't want this to turn into a political platform. The purpose of this blog is solely to share with you my feelings, thoughts, experiences, and dreams. I feel that as an informed person, it is my duty to share my latest discovery with you, my friends and family.

I watched the documentary Food, Inc. today. I only want to consume organic foods for the rest of my life. Let me just tell you...it was scary to see the veil lifted. I strongly believe that every American should watch this movie. This film is not liberally biased and seems to touch on all the different bases - from the seed to processing, to the animals and the conditions under which they are raised, the slaughterhouses and mistreatment of (illegal) workers, the corporations and the government, the risks to the consumer and environment, and the farmer himself. It is my honest opinion that the most heartbreaking stories of all were the farmers trying to do their job the sanitary and ethical way. Food, Inc. has its own website where you can view the trailer. If you have Netflix, you can watch the movie instantly on your computer.

This film made me not only feel bad about the junk that I've been consuming, but guilty that I have been feeding it to my Baby Girl as well. It was eye-opening, disgusting, aggravating, and educating to see how blinded I was by the manipulative lies that corporate America has been feeding me. I must admit after watching it, I feel like an ignorant sheep. All this time I have been trying to eat healthy, but who knows what that is anymore? There has been a lack of education on the subject matter, quite frankly. Most people can't even afford to care because of the costs of food. It is really simple. These giant corporations can make more food faster and for less money, but at what costs (and I don't mean money). They don't want us to know where our food comes from. I'm not exactly sure who all "they" is referring to, but I don't doubt that government agencies are a major player.

As Christians, we believe that our body is a temple (1 Corinthians 6:19). I strongly recommend watching this film and seriously educating yourself on real nutrition (not just eating something because the box says it's nutritionally dense or "all natural" or "whole grain"). While doing further research on GMO's (Genetically Modified Organisms) and food labeling, I came across a few websites that I will post links to below. Some of them are quite out of date, but still informative. One of the links is a PDF download for Non-GMO Shopping Guide. I am not advocating any of these sites. I don't know if they are professional or educational. I just found them informative.

Institute for Responsible Technology

The Campaign for Healthier Eating in America

Non-GMO Shopping Guide (PDF download)

HealingDaily.com (Genetically Engineered Foods)

Genetically Modified Foods: Harmful or Helpful?

Colorado State University: Labelling of Genetically Engineered Foods

Helpguide.org (Understanding Organic Food Labels, Benefits, and Claims)

home alone

Welp, we were supposed to be watching 24 tonight, but, instead, I am basically packing my husband's suitcase for tomorrow morning. What pants should I take? What shirts should I pack? Which suitcase should I use? I don't see how he made it this far in life...

Tomorrow, Top Gun is flying off into the wild blue yonder to Canada eh and leaving the two of us hens? no...tabby cats? nope...bitches? nuh uh...We'll stick to the human species...gals to fend for ourselves. We'll be holding down the fort while Top Gun is off gallivanting around another country for a whole entire week! Ok, so maybe it is for work, but what kind of lame excuse is that? I'm thinking road trip! (On a funnier side note, I just noticed he put his sweat pants on backwards! Harharhar!)

Where shall we go? A spa? I'm not so sure Baby Girl would go for a pedicure or full body massage just yet, and if we actually go anywhere I want to see something big. Grand Canyon? Yep, that's purty dadgum big, but I'm not sure how Baby Girl would feel about 8-9 hours in a carseat, either. Mexico? No, I don't think I like that idea...at least not without Top Gun...or just a gun, at least. Quick all-inclusive getaway to Hawaii? Oooh, Mommy likey...That's probably not in the budget. We'll figure something out.

what would you do...for a klondike bar?

My mind wanders sometimes. Okay, my mind wanders a lot. I've found it in the strangest places. Today it was wandering somewhere around Northern Thailand. I'm serious.

I was wondering what we would do if we were to come into a healthy chunk of money (is there such a thing?). Let's just say, hypothetically, we made $100,000. What would we do first? How much money would go towards what? Do we pay off all of our debt and put the rest towards savings? Do we take just a small portion to get something we've been needing for a few years (like a new car)? Do we take a teeny tiny bit to take a dream trip (to visit our Compassion kids, for example. One of whom lives in Northern Thailand. See, I told you I wasn't yankin' yer chain!)? Do we put some into a college mutual fund for Baby Girl and any more squirts we might have? Do I get to have a little itsy bitsy teenie weenie bit to get some stuff for the house that I have wanted to sell a kidney to buy since we couldn't afford it? Should we put a big fat down payment on a nice starter home somewhere? But then where the heck would that be? Never mind that for now...Maybe we could put a little bit towards all of the above. Yeah, I think I like that. It's okay to dream sometimes, right?

So, I'm just curious. I want to hear from you. What would you do with $100,000? How much would you put towards what?

easiest dessert ever

My friend Randi Beth (very Southern, no? But not nearly as Southern as my momma's name: Reba Lynn! Kinda makes you wanna holler, "Shoowee! Dadgummit git yor carcass in hyere right this instant, Reba Lynn!") introduced me to ThePioneerWoman.com when she blogged about her cookbook back in November. I have been hooked ever since. It is probably my most favorite website ever.

On her recipe pages, Ree Drummond gives step-by-step directions on how to prepare each dish. I found a scrumptious blackberry cobbler (among many other to-die-for dinners, desserts, and so on and so forth), and I love love love cobbler.

This particular cobbler is pretty hard to mess up, too. And you don't just have to use blackberries, either. I tried it with blueberries, which wasn't quite as delish, but still quite good. In case you don't feel like following all the links, I will kindly copy and paste the directions below. Enjoy!

Prep Time: 20 Minutes

Cook Time: 1 Hour

Difficulty: Easy

Servings: 8

Ingredients

• 1 stick Butter
• 1-¼ cup Sugar
• 1 cup Self-Rising Flour
• 1 cup Milk
• 2 cups Blackberries (frozen Or Fresh)

Preparation Instructions

Melt butter in a microwavable dish. Pour 1 cup of sugar and flour into a mixing bowl, whisking in milk. Mix well. Then, pour in melted butter and whisk it all well together. Butter a baking dish.

Now rinse and pat dry the blackberries. Pour the batter into the buttered baking dish. Sprinkle blackberries over the top of the batter; distributing evenly. Sprinkle ¼ cup sugar over the top.

Bake in the oven at 350 degrees for 1 hour, or until golden and bubbly. If you desire, sprinkle an additional teaspoon of sugar over the cobbler 10 minutes before it’s done.

c'est la vie - je suis fatiguée

I'm sorry I haven't posted a new blog for a few days. We've kept pretty busy lately. I had to ask the nice Mexican yard service guys to leave some of their hedge clippers so I could shave my legs around midnight last night. Yeah, it had been that long. I know for a fact a razor hasn't touched these legs since I was in Texas only, oh, say...more than 3 weeks ago! Fortunately, I have blondish hair on my legs, so I don't walk around here looking like a man. And fortunately, it's winter, so my legs are always covered. And fortunately...no, that's all I've got. On top of that, I even painted my toenails. You don't even want to know how long it's been since they got a fresh coat of paint. I think it was November. The polish had completely grown off most of my small toes, and was nearly halfway up my big toe. Do you know how long it's been since I've had a haircut? I'll spare you the details.

I've also been pretty tired lately. The kind of tired you feel when you're pregnant. Only I'm not pregnant. Really. Honest. I promise. Not yet. I'm in the process of weaning Baby Girl, however, and she woke up around 2am with the intention of eating. I tried to stop it. I tried with every bit of strength I had to tell her no, but the sad truth is I didn't have much strength. I just wanted to sleep. So she ate, and I slept. For awhile.

Besides the late nights and middle-of-the-night wakings, I wake up every morning to the sound of the rooster crowing. Not really. I only wish we lived on a cute little farm with a stupid annoying rooster yelling at us at the butt crack of dawn. It's actually Top Gun's alarm. At 6 am. Then I wake up again to the sound of Top Gun's alarm. At 6:05 am. And again. And again. Finally, I give him a good kick in frustration and fatigue somewhere around 6:30. He's up. Oh yeah, it's tons-o-fun. I hate the snooze button, but I love the snoozer despite it. Did I just say that? Eh.

Now you know the rest of the story. That doesn't really make sense, but I felt like saying it anyways. I use to listen to Paul Harvey on the way to school in the mornings with my daddy. He always said that at the end of his stories, and I thought it would work. It doesn't really. But now you know why I haven't posted for a few days. Yesterday I said that if sleep weren't a factor then I would be ready for another baby. I guess I should get used to not sleeping for at least the next 18 years.

By the end of this week I plan to post a description of what goes on around here with our eBay business. Come check it out if you're curious.

what is love?

BEING ABLE TO GIVE CARDS LIKE THIS FOR VALENTINE'S DAY.

I just wasn't in a mushy gushy mood this year. I picked up this card and went for it. We don't really do the "Valentine's Day" thing anyways.

Have I ever told you...?

I have never liked my hands. There. I said it.

I remember when I saw the story on TV about the first man to receive a hand transplant after he lost his in an accident. From what I recall, there was limited mobility and fear of rejection. I prayed that medical technology would improve enough for me to be able to have a double hand transplant before I was an adult. It's silly the things we pray for sometimes, especially as kids.

Those cheesy Chicken Soup for the Soul books started getting big not too long after I started hating my hands, and one of the stories I read made me change my mind. I found a similar story here. It's about a mother's hands that are old and wrinkled, but her daughter finds beauty in them because of all of the beautiful, caring, and loving things they had been used for. That story convinced me that even if my hands weren't delicate and pretty, then at least they were strong and beautiful.

Not too long after that, I was with a group of friends comparing scars. It was middle school. Anyways, somehow hands were brought up, and I stated very matter-of-factly that I had beautiful hands. A boy named Michael rebutted, "No you don't. You have man hands!" Ouch.

Middle school kids are mean. I know I was. Don't worry. I have long since gotten past the scars of my childhood, but I have never forgotten those words. They're really not all that ugly, but they're really not all that pretty either. My hands have done some pretty incredible things. I hope my children think my hands are beautiful when I'm old and withered.

My hand with one-month-old Baby Girl's hand.

The Three P's

Poopoo. Poo. Poop. Caca. Turds. Crap. Dung. Feces. Stool. BM. Shite. Whatever you call it...I have to deal with it daily. And it's usually not my own. No. And if it's not poop, then it's pee. And if it's not pee, then it's puke. The three p's.

I could almost consider the in-and-outs of diaper changes with my daughter as a form of torture. She kicks and rolls and screams and does just about anything she can to get her grubby little hands on whatever it is that has caught her eye. Sometimes I'm able to avoid a struggle by giving her a pretty toy to play with, which usually ends up being something I don't want her to have (my cell phone, a really sharp knife, an electrical cord, a tube of toothpaste, scissors, the cat's tail...). Just kidding. But seriously...those are the things she wants and turns into a mean little monkey to get!

Yesterday I was attempting to quickly change her Fuzzibunz diaper since she had just woken up. She is always hungry when she wakes up, so I knew she would want to eat right away. Sleeping is hard work, you know. So I'm wiping, and she's fighting. I grab the clean diaper. She rolls. Her feet go into the poo. I grab her heels to wipe it off. She kicks. My hand lands in the poo. Another piece goes flying. There is now a tiny turdlette stuck to my wrist. It is on her feet and on the carpet. I know that some moms probably have much worse horror poop stories, but this story isn't so much about the poop. It's about the diaper change.

I'm also burdened with cat poop. I love cats. I begged my husband for a cat. We even purchased a cat illegally from the animal shelter when we lived in our first apartment. It's really not that big of a deal. We weren't allowed to have pets, but I figured if we were busted we could just leave them at my parents' house. Little did I know, the animal shelter actually calls the landlord to check to see if we have their permission to adopt. Well, I gave them Top Gun's number who told them it would be just fine with him. The "landlord" was actually our neighbor and friend, but we lived on campus so, technically, he wasn't the authority. See? It's not that big of a deal, right? All of this was only after we attempted to capture and "rescue" the feral dumpster cats that resided around our apartment complex. Disgusting. I'm not sure what we were thinking exactly...free cat? Maybe. But still disgusting.

Our obedient illegal cat, Ace.

Where was I? Oh, yeah. I love cats, but I hate this stupid cat. We have to keep the litter box immaculate and the bathroom door closed at night (he thinks the bathtub is his giant toilet). Heaven forbid his highness's litter box isn't spotless. If it doesn't meet his standards, we will find a lovely surprise on the tile floor by our front door in the morning or after a trip to the grocery store. And if it's not poop, then it's pee. And if it's not pee, then it's puke.

One morning last fall, he began urinating on the tile. Let me tell you the disgusting story of how I discovered this fun new game. It's time to nurse Baby Girl. I pick her up and go to the bedroom where it is nice and quiet and relaxing. She was at that stage where she liked to play with my face while she ate. Oh...my...gosh...what is that smell?! YUCK! What...is...tha---SICK!

Baby Girl had crawled through the cat pee while playing, apparently. I stripped us both down and we took a nice hot shower together. I thought I was going to kill a cat. If you don't know what cat pee smells like, consider yourself lucky. It is pungent and putrid. Luckily, we received a carpet cleaner for Christmas. I want to throw the cat out, but guess what? He is allergic to fleas. True story. What kind of sick joke is this? Seriously. He pulls out his fur and bites nonstop if he gets fleas. It would just be cruel to kick him out. I can already see PETA on my doorstep. So for now, I just deal with his messes and my daily litter-box duty (which becomes Top Gun's litter-box duty when I'm pregnant). Don't even get me started on his puke. Does anyone want a cat?

Our stupid unruly cat, Duke.

Don't let that sweet face fool you, he is pure evil.