my birthday/christmas/please help me before i pull out all my hair list

1. a personal chef (they do the meal planning, shopping and cooking, right?)
2. a chubby maid (what? i don't want to be cliché...OK, i just don't want some cute young thang showing me up in my own house! is that so wrong?!)
3. soccer mom car (this low to the ground in-and-out of car seat business is really starting to do a number on my back.)
4. a yard (these cats are driving me insane! and i'm tired of playing on pavement with my Baby Girl.)