granny

from what i understand, she hated that we called her that. in my defense, i was the youngest of three and just called her what everyone else did. i never really understood why all of my other cousins referred to her as "Nanny", and there i was calling her the wrong name for twelve years. i blame my brothers.

i don't really remember too much about her, although i remember quite a bit more than i do of my Pawpaw. one of my favorite memories about her is that she was always humming hymns. i rarely heard her actually sing, but she hummed almost constantly. i don't remember much of her cooking, but i know she could. she loved us grandkids. it never seemed to me like she had much to give and gave more than she could, but she never spoiled us.

i don't think she and i were ever very close. looking back i think it's probably because i was a brat and was jealous that she had to give so much more to Monica...not like my Nenaw. i'll always regret that. she was a great woman.

the last time i saw her she picked me up from school. she had recently moved closer to help out after my brother passed away. i don't know why i was so upset that afternoon. maybe i had a bad day at school. maybe it was because i had wanted my mom to pick me up that day. maybe i was mad that i had to go to trumpet lessons. or maybe it was just plain old puberty. she pulled up to the house and told me bye. i slammed the door and walked away. not a word. not a goodbye. not a thank you. not a hug. i'm sorry, Granny. i love you and miss you. i wish you could be here to meet my Top Gun and Baby Girl. you would love them to pieces!

blah blah blabbity blah

i've fallen a little behind on my blogging. i'm going to blame it on the pregnancy fatigue and all that comes with that. not a lot of people read my blog, so it's not like i have a huge audience awaiting some of my genius, aka boring blabber.

so, we're gonna have another baby. Baby Girl is going to be a big sister. i can't believe it. she's still my baby. what am i going to do with two? i know for a fact i will be doing a lot of feeding, laundry, cleaning, and probably crying...hopefully some sleeping with fall in there somewhere. i am really nervous about that post-delivery exhaustion, you know, after the adrenaline wears off and having to care for two children. it all makes me want to run home and recruit Nanna as part-time nanny. Lord knows i can't really afford one...or a maid for that matter.

all i know is that my role as homemaker is going to start getting tricky. i'm happy that we are starting to get involved in a church, and i'm hoping to build a strong local support system since we are without family 99% of the time. i think my problem in california was not wanting to "settle" and get involved in a lot because i was hoping we would be getting out soon. before i knew it, three years were gone and it was time to say goodbye! i was really lonely and miserable. the biggest problem was i didn't feel like i fit in. it seemed like all of the moms there were older, weird, or career-driven. the few moms i connected with had older children also and were usually pretty busy and involved in a lot more activities. north carolina is feeling a bit closer to home, and i think we'll fit in a little better here. at least i hope...

Top Gun has really stepped up his game lately. He's doing dishes, picking up the house, and really taking a big role in helping out with Baby Girl. He even rearranged his work schedule with his boss so that he can help me in the mornings and go in to work later. this also means working later in the evenings, so i'm not sure how i feel about it yet. hopefully i will start feeling better soon and we can just go back to normal.

i am excited to find out if we are having a boy or a girl this time around. i think it's a boy, but i would be happy either way. i know it would be nice for Baby Girl to have a sister. i never had a sister, so it would be completely foreign to me. ideally, i think i would want to have another girl now and maybe two boys a few years down the road, but i know God has His own plan. i'm not sure i can do this two more times anyways! only time will tell...

i say a little prayer for you...

I found out yesterday that one of my friend's husband recently left her, after which she found out he had been having one night stands for at least five years of their marriage and "loves" a girl he has been seeing for about two weeks. He was supposedly a Christian, and I never would have guessed they of all people would end up where they are. I guess it just goes to prove it can happen to anyone. I just still can't believe it. They seemed very happy and were best friends. It disgusts me and really makes me angry to think about it. I just can't even imagine what that does to a person - to find out that basically your entire marriage has been nothing but lies.

I'm not writing about this to boast about my marriage's success or even to say anything bad about my friend's marriage. I'm writing about this because it is an epidemic that has really been weighing heavily upon my heart. It's mainly about this particular family today, but Top Gun and I have each or both known at least three other young couples who have ended things on similar terms. I'm talking about friends our age! At least only one of them had children in the equation.

I really don't have much else to say about the whole thing. My main objective here was to get this off my chest and out of my head because it's really been bugging me. I had a hard time going to sleep last night.

I would like to ask that each of you say an extra prayer for my friend today. I'm sure she and her family (especially the husband) could use it.

was blind, but now i see...

So much has been going on around here lately, and it's baby season!

We have so much to be thankful for! Top Gun was offered a job in North Carolina flying passenger jets! I still can't believe it, and I can't help but giggle when he shows me pictures of what he's going to be flying around the skies! It is such a giant step up from what he's been in, it's still hard to believe! We are taking a huge leap of faith since this is a start-up operation, and there are so many unknowns.

One thing that has been really hard for me is not knowing where we are going to live! It was one thing when it was just the two of us coming out to California, but now that we have Baby Girl it makes things a little more complicated. Our faith has really been put to the test, and I have really had to work on my patience while God worked out all the details. I did a lot of research and emailed and called a lot of potential places and even considered buying a house! I really did not want to drive clear across the continental US blind. It makes everything so much more stressful, especially having only three days to find something, apply and be be approved, sign a lease, and unload everything before the moving truck is due back!

Today, our praying and waiting finally paid off as the sweetest lady has been in touch with us and providing details and photos of a rental house in a place called Pfafftown (pronounced "Poff-town"), North Carolina. It is just barely over what we were hoping to pay, but we will have our own place with a yard and a neighborhood pool. It is a two bedroom with a nice open floorplan and a decent sized kitchen (finally!). There is an attached garage and washer/dryer hookups and even a sunroom! I have been looking for places with a sunroom, and I am so excited about having the extra space for our office and maybe a little guest room. Don't even get me started on the yard! I can barely remember what a yard looks like, let alone get my head around the fact that we will be able to play outside in the grass!

The landlord has been very helpful so far and very flexible. She is willing to hold it for us until we arrive and said it would be fine if we arrive and find it is not what we expected and just want to look elsewhere. She told us we can paint or make little improvements if we wanted, but that everything was in good repair. One of the best things about this whole move is that the company is paying for everything! I am just overjoyed about how good the Lord has been to us even though we don't deserve any of it! I feel so blessed!

growing like a weed

My little girl is getting to be such a big girl. We all went grocery shopping today (that's right - all three of us. When you don't get much quality time as a family, even spending a day together in the produce section is a bargain), and i could hear my girl nearly 10 aisles down hollering, "MAMA! MAMA!" It's enough to melt my heart.

I made another stop on the way home, and as I was checking out I got a phone call. "Hey. Mama. Mama. Hey." I have never heard anything sweeter.

She was taking a bath earlier with Top Gun, and she kept hollering, "MAMA! MAMA!" I think it's her favorite word.

When we walk out the front door, she'll take off around the corner and wave one arm and say, "Bye bye bye."

She is constantly dancing and will shake her little hiney even when there is no music. She loves animals and can mimic the following: cat, dog, cow, fish ("bloo, bloo, bloo," you know, like bubbles), elephant, horse, parrot, monkey, sheep, lion, and she's almost got the pig down. It's more of a sniff than a snort.

At 16 months, her vocabulary is progressing quick nicely. Aside from her repertoire of animal noises, she can say (some in English as well as in French):

Mama

Dada

PawPaw

Nanna

Kitty

Juice

Cheese

Ball

Baby

Bye-bye

Belly button

Duck

Bath

More

Boppa (for diaper)

Hi

One

Bite

Down

Yeah

Shhh (to be quiet)

Potty

Shoe

Toy

Night-night

Boo

Side (for outside)

Buh (for book)

Bear

Bee

Keys

Paeh (for paci)

And there may be some others I'm forgetting...

She LOVES the swing at the park. I think she'd swing all day long if she could. She loves to climb up in her little big girl chair and watch "Babies" aka Baby Einstein. She would rather uncap and recap her markers rather than draw with them.

She cannot laugh without getting the hiccups, and oh how I love that giggle.

Sure there are other cute kids. I know other kids are smart. But I am fully convinced, without a doubt, that my Baby Girl is by far the sweetest, smartest, most precious, beautiful baby that ever was or will be. Ever.

At least until we have another baby. And then they will be equally the sweetest, smartest, most precious, beautiful, precious babies that ever were or will be. Ever.

FOUND: sweet baby girl

We went to Texas two weeks ago, and i found my sweet Baby Girl! She was hiding behind some mean molars.

She has been such a sweetheart, and is really getting a mind of her own. She has always been a spirited and strong-willed child, but, now that she is getting to be a "big girl," nothing can stand in her way. I have already learned to choose my battles, because it is just not worth fighting her over something really insignificant.

She is just like her daddy! She always wants to figure out how things work and she has to do everything for herself. I dread the day she figures out how to use a screwdriver. I'll probably find my vacuum cleaner disassembled and the parts hidden in various drawers, bags, boxes, and cabinets throughout the house. The kid loves to put things in stuff and take them out, too.

We all had a great time in Texas. Top Gun and I were able to play racquetball (I let him beat me - you know how guys get), I played soccer (hallelujah!) and relived the glory days with my old teammates, my mom and I went shopping, my sister-in-law and I went shopping, my daddy and I rode bikes down a country road, I went to my cousin's baby shower, we went fishing at the farm, we rode 4wheelers at the farm, I had TWO snowballs, Top Gun and I had a date (double hallelujah!) at Texas Roadhouse and saw "The Blind Side" in the theater, I had BBQ and sweet tea, I got to sleep in on several occasions (triple hallelujah!), I was finally able to spend a nice afternoon with my nenaw, I witnessed my nephew's first ever t-ball game, and I was able to squeeze in a few friends.

it was a very eventful, yet relaxing trip and was the perfect length. I've always felt rushed on time to squeeze everyone in in the past, but I'd say a week and a half is just about right...probably only because Top Gun was there for two-thirds of the time.

The weather was basically perfect the entire 9 days. All-in-all, I'd say it was a huge success...minus the not finding a job part...

MISSING: sweet baby girl

I spent the day cleaning the house, cleaning up cat poop and puke, and having a teething toddler scream at me and even hit me in the face. If you happen to see a sweet and happy baby girl please let me know. I can't seem to find her.

Then Top Gun comes home and it's all smiles and kisses from Baby Girl. When I asked for a kiss, she just turned away and fussed. I didn't get a smooch from the Mister, either. There was no "Hi Honey, the house looks great." All I got was, "No wonder she's mad at you" because i wiped her mouth from blueberry stains. I don't care if I'm frustrated, tired, or even hormonal...I don't think it's too much to ask for a little support and appreciation, no matter what the condition of the house or how much screaming transpired.

I'm not perfect, I know. I'm sure I've greeted him poorly after a long and hard day of work, too. I guess I just think it's easier for him to come home to chaos than it is for me to deal with him and the little monster teaming up against me after being screamed at all day.

I feel like I have no support system here. Everyone works. Most moms are older anyways. The few moms who do stay at home have older kids and are busy with activities and/or share no common interests with me whatsoever and/or have family nearby.

Sometimes I feel like Will Smith in that movie I Am Legend, only with a baby and two stupid cats instead of a dog. Is there anybody out there? "If there's anybody out there...anybody...please. You are not alone."

I really don't intend to be such a crybaby. I've always tried to pretend like I'm fine. I'm strong, and this too shall pass. Maybe that's the problem. Honestly. Seriously. For real. I admit it. This is hard. I need a friend. I need someone who understands. I need to know that someone besides my mom cares enough to call or respond to this and ask if I want to go do something. Have lunch. Go shopping. Toilet paper a house. Something. Anything!

This might just be the most desperate attempt I've ever made at getting a date. I feel slightly ridiculous. Geez...pity party much? Praise the Lord Top Gun took the screamin' demon to the park when he came home. At least he did that. Good Friday nearly turned into Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Friday. Oh well. At least I still have my sanity. HA! Yeah, right...