solo: a how to

several weeks ago, we were told there was a chance my husband might go to europe for a few weeks for work. "okay, sure," we said. with my husband's company, when something "might" happen, it usually doesn't. so we waited for the door to close as the deadline approached...we woke up one morning to an email letting us know that things were moving forward, and not only would he be going to europe, he was going TODAY. he came home at lunch, packed his bags, and we drove him to the airport and said goodbye. the next day, i decided that we would make the 1,200 mile trek back to texas (we had just returned from a road trip to texas about two weeks prior to this) to be with family while he was gone. 18 hours. not including stops. in a car. with a 4 and 2 year-old and 5 month-old. by myself.

so i cleaned the house, packed the car, made arrangements for pet sitters, cried prayed really hard, and drove to texas. for 3 long, tortuous days. with 3 small children. strapped down. in a confined space. with the "kingdom rock" vbs music/tangled soundtrack on loop. by myself.

while my patience was put to the test, we did survive the endeavor, and i came away with great skill and knowledge on what to do and what not to do to survive an incredibly long road trip with three small fries. buckle up...

1. do feed the baby right before you leave to maximize driving time.
2. do not feed the baby prunes the night before you leave. trust me.
3. do have a dvd player to occupy the forward facing squirts.
4. do not forget your kid's favorite movie(s) at home, unless you enjoy repeating why she can't watch "the little mermaid" or "brave" seventeen thousand times.
5. do wait as long as possible to make any stops of any kind while the baby is sleeping..
6. do not wait too long to stop for gasoline, or you may not make it to a station in time. (thankfully, we did not run out of gas, but i was biting my nails for a bit as we drove at "0 mi" as i searched the horizon for gas stations.)
7. do make necessary rest stops for potty breaks and diaper changes.
8. do not put your recently potty trained 2 year-old in panties in a car seat. ever.
9. do pack snacks for the kids.
10. do not give the kids a box full of bunny crackers unless you really like to vacuum.
11. do master the art of carefully tossing things to the back of the van directly into your kids' laps.
12. do not toss a sippy cup with a prominent spout to a 2 year-old.
    
13. do make hotel reservations ahead of time.
14. do not allow your stressed out, overworked, exhausted, jet-lagged husband to make your hotel reservation online from 7 time zones away.
15. if your kids are anything like mine (picky) and/or you are anything like me (particular), there are very few chain restaurants and even fewer fast food establishments that you will eat at. some of our favorites are panera bread, jason's deli, and chick-fil-a. for a quicker stop with a chance for the kids' to play a bit, do make friends with chick-fil-a.
16. if you are already friends with chick-fil-a, do not drive through mississippi on a sunday. also, do not eat at the cheesecake factory with three restless children by yourself while simultaneously trying to correct a non-refundable hotel reservation error. bad things happen.
17. do stop at a hotel after more than 12 hours in a car with three raving lunatics.
18. do not stay in the furthest room from the elevator on the third floor in a hotel with no luggage carts after checking in after 9:00 pm with three screaming banshees who have not yet eaten dinner, are sleep deprived from the night before, did not take naps, and are ready for bed. you will have to lock them in the hotel room kicking and screaming while making several mad dashes to the parking lot to lug as much crap back upstairs as possible. and your neighbors will give you dirty looks in the morning.
19. once you have reached your destination, after approximately 27 tortuous hours in a minivan, do shepherd your children toward your parents and quickly head for the nearest exit! :) you have arrived. kick back. relax. collapse into a pillow top. weep uncontrollably.
20. do not forget you have to make the drive back home! the end. you're welcome.